a thief is a thief is a thief

A few weeks ago, I was on a bus coming back from Siem Reap where I helped out on field day for the kids who are attending the summer program at the JPA school (jpa.org.kh). When the bus stopped at the first drop off point in Phnom Penh, at the French Embassy, a man got off. This particular man was holding a particular bag that did not belong to him. How do I know this, you may ask? Because it was my bag. I was distracting myself with memories of a photo exhibit last fall where the French Embassy had blown up beautiful pictures of trees and hung them on the white walls of the gate surround the embassy's compound... oh I do love a good picture of a tree. When I got a sinking feeling, I stood up and my instinct was right... my bag was gone.

Peace Corps was great at helping me. Markara, our Safety and Security Officer, had a very calming effect. I was upset for about 2 minutes... just long enough for everyone to get off the bus, including an old great-grandma lady who told me in khmer that I should keep my bags on my lap, not above my head... I grabbed her hand and wouldn't let go and kept saying, 'awkun' or 'thank you.' I needed a friend and wasn't in a place to be picky so if that friend wanted to state the obvious and make me feel even worse, who was I to judge? She didn't stay long however. Then I was alone. With my other bag. Or as I referred to it after this incident, 'the Bag with No Value.' So, I lost my money, credit card, debit card, ipod, lots of postcards and my Canon Rebel XT EOS that my mom and sister had given me as a going away gift... and an extremely lovely letter that I had written for a friend to take on the plane which I thought was particularly thoughtful and funny. Agg.

Funny thing though was that I wasn't mad at the thief... People asked me if I was angry and I just told them that I was angry at myself... The Cambodians around my house thought it was really funny when I suggested that maybe the thief had a very sick child who needed medicine and so he had to steal my bag to get it for her... but even I don't really believe it, but really it doesn't matter why he stole it. I wonder if he just wanted money, thinking I had some, what did he do with my camera? I'm not mad at the thief cause that is what thieves do... I'm a teacher so I teach, you're a reader so you read, he is a thief so he does as a thief does... he steals. Makes sense to me.

The Buddha once told his followers... one day a distraught farmer came to the group asking if they had seen his cows that he had lost, to which the Buddha replied that they had not seen the cows, and the farmer said, 'I am very sad because I have lost my cows, I don't know what to do,'... after the farmer left, the Buddha then turned to the group stating, 'We should give thanks for our luck because we do not have any cows to lose' (or something close to that, I wasn't there so I can't vouch for complete accuracy of the quote). People are always repeating this important lesson when they encouragingly say, 'Why not? You have nothing to lose.'

Visiting with my friend at his family's cafe in my small town, he told me about some troubles he was having. Somehow the subject of smiling came up and he said that he likes to smile at everyone when he sees them, he can't help it. He goes to the market and smiles at all the people there. Recently he was told that a lady who works in the market tells people that he is the same as a 'crazy person' or 'neak chagu-it.' In English, people call people 'crazy' all the time, but in Khmer it has a much stronger meaning. It is more literal... if you say someone is 'chagu-it' you are literally calling them mentally insane, and this isn't good. He is upset because he feels like she misunderstands him, or 'yuul jra-lum.' I told him to forget about her 'bad words.' He should not be sad or angry with her but instead he should pity her because she must be sad to say these things. People don't like feeling lonely, this includes being lonely in how they feel. I told him that if she is sad, then she says these things so she can have company in her sadness. I taught him the old axiom, 'Kill her with kindness.' I think he understood. It reminds me of what my dad once told me, 'Usually, the only people who try to make you feel bad about yourself are people who feel bad about themselves. So make them feel better and you'll feel better.'

People want company. I'm going to try and live by this thought... I'm going to try my best to be a thoughtful, joyful person. I do have to admit that for me sometimes it is easier said than done. With strangers it seems easier to do than with the people you love and care for, why is this? We need to practice being caring with even those people who know us best, our family and closest friends, the people who have seen us at our worst... to perfect this would be a wonderful thing.

Spread joy and kind words so that people will join you. I, for one, would much rather go to to a happy party than a sad one... so get out there and invite people to join you in your happy party... then you will have a lot of support and people around to lift you up when you have the occasional sad day... after all, nobody is perfect.

New Year Baby

This afternoon I watched a documentary about a Khmer American woman who comes back to Cambodia with her parents. She came to get answers, they came to face the past and to visit the land of their birth. They had survived through the Khmer Rouge and had a story that is both sad and sadly, common. I had watched a screening of the movie in English in Phnom Penh at Flicks and had asked about it and was able to get a hold of a few copies of it in Khmer... I asked my grandma if she wanted to watch it, I told her it would be sad and wasn't sure if bringing up all these memories again would be very beneficial for a 74 year old woman... but she was interested, as she is with all the information I bring home about the Khmer Rouge.

Basically she hates them. 'Saup, saup, saup.' We watched the film, which is powerful enough watching with a bunch of foreigners in Phnom Penh, but had special meaning for me to share it with my gma... who lived through it and lost 6 family members, including her husband and 2 or more children. She cried at parts and got up to do something in the kitchen during some parts but overall I was surprised that she actually watched at all... I don't think I could have. My little friend Jayp watched too, but he just sat silently in the back of the room.

Sometimes during the movie they would play clips, and my gma was like, 'yes, yes, that's the khmer rouge' (khmai krohom)... that's what we did (cartoon of planting rice), that's what they did (when they showed a cartoon of a cadre hitting and killing a village person)'... she was basically like, 'they'd bash and toss away' (why jaol)...

In the movie, the parents of the woman had been forced into an arranged marriage, this was very common and I know some older couples in this same situation... I asked my gma why she didn't get married again after her husband died... she smiled and said that when they came to get her married again she lied (yee-ay ko'haught) and said that they had just been separated and that he was just not there but she still had a husband...

She has told me a few stories, always with an emphasis on how little they had to eat. Just a little rice for her huge family... she'll hold her fingers together to give me a visual... but even if she was able to show me the actual amount of rice in a bowl and the amount of people it had to sustain, I still don't think I could understand what it was like...

But I couldn't get her to talk too long about it... she had things to do, rice to dry (ha srow), wood to chop... basically she had to get on with her life... she doesn't have time to dwell. If I was exhausted after watching it, I can't imagine how she felt.

This evening at dinner, she played the video of when her children gave her a bon, or ceremony, last feb (2009)... in reverence and veneration. She cried in the video, but happy tears, because all her surviving children were home... and her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren.

I watched the video with her like I have many times before but watching today, I understood those happy tears so much more...

Zen in Floating

Last week, a three year old girl fell into a man-made pond that was about four feet deep. Since the rainy season hasn't been very rainy this year the pond wasn't full and there was about 2 feet from the water to the top of where the water should normally reach... luckily a neighbor was there to jump in and pull her out. She was lucky. This got the kids around me asking me if I can swim and asking if I can teach them... I decided to plan a trip to the sea about 50km south of me and teach some of the kids the basics... mainly I was going to focus on floating and not panicking.

Today we were able to get my gma's son-in-law's tour van which was great because we were able to make a party of it! Some parents didn't allow their kids to go because they were afraid they would drown... logical and ironic. But the kids who were the most excited were allowed to come and their mother also came. Srey Mai, Vuthy, Srey Leah and Chuhn were my students for the day. They are around 7-10 years old...

Srey Mai is probably the most dedicated outgoing young girl I know in Cambodia when it comes to wanting knowledge... she always wants to learn, I love it! She is now the first person I can say that I have taught how to float... and it was amazing. At first she couldn't do it, she just sank, she would panic... I told her to not be afraid when your head goes under and your chin goes up because it has to... it should cover the ears, I told her... and raise your chest, curve your back, and relax... when she finally got it and I was just holding her up with one or two fingers it was amazing... I could see her just becoming calm... and it came.... and I let go and she just went on floating... ears under the water, chin held up, chest raised high, in yoga it's called the fish pose, or comes close to what fish pose is...

I floated with them. It was quiet, it feels like you are alone but a part of something because you never stop moving, something is taking you somewhere, or nowhere, but it doesn't matter... Floating... Life is like floating... the more you struggle and fight against it the less success you will have and only when you let go of the fear, or face it, is when you get the best that it has to offer. The key is to hold your chin up, keep your chest raised high and hope that the next wave won't be too big... but with practice you can learn to go through those big waves, over or under, it doesn't matter... what matters is that it too will pass... and the calm will always return again.